More Than Life

Hi. I'm Nicole
And this is the Story of my life. Welcome to it;
"Be Strong. You never know who you are Inspiring."

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Good Time

I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s just a girl thing… but I absolutely adore going on dates. Even if it’s just a simple walk through the park or your typical going to the movies thing. It shouldn’t matter how long you guys have been together, whether its 5 year or you just met, going on a date should be fun and special. My favorite types of dates are those where its late at night and the only light is that of the moon, the stars, and the street lights near by. Where you go out for dinner, you eat, you talk and then after he takes you somewhere, like the park and that suddenly becomes your go to spot for the next dates to follow. It’s usually a nice spot on the grass, under a tree, nearby some flowers and away from the playgrounds. It’s the spot where the two of you and lie down, listen to some music or the melody of the night life. You two can talk, laugh, or sit in silence; listening to each other’s breathing. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant date. Just something simple is pleasing enough. The point is to be together and just enjoy one another. And when the night ends and you go back home, end the date with a simple kiss. That should be enough to make a heart melt. That is enough to be a perfect date for me. 

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Bittersweet friendships!

I have so much last minute work to do, including studying for my Psychology final exam on friday, but I rather just sit here and think about how crazy it is that I’m finally graduating. I can’t believe the time has come and high school is finally over. 

It’s such a bittersweet feeling because I’m excited to never see several people from school and to finally be free of high school bullshit but I’m sad to leave the few close friends I’ve finally made not just in my four years of high school but in this senior year alone. 

Over my four years of high school I noticed that I started with a group of friends and only a couple have survived a friendship with me for all four years. The rest have been replaced and I befriended several new people whom I wish I could have met my freshmen year. I wish we could have been friends for longer because it’s going to be really hard to leave them all after becoming so close in just one year. We’ve all been a lot this year and it has been my most relaxed and chill year. I have to thank the new friends I made for that and because of that I don’t want to leave them. I’m going to miss waking up early every morning and seeing their faces before school. I know I said I wouldn’t miss too many people, but these guys have really caught up and touched my heart. I appreciate them and love them for taking me in their lives with open arms and accepting me into thier little close knit groups of friends. 

I know I’ll still be seeing them over the summer however and I need to make the best of it before I move away and won’t be able to see their faces everyday! 

This is so sad! But I can’t help but be super excited as well! 

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Dear Diary,

I was enchanted to meet you 4 years 4 months ago. I still remember the first hello, the first smile, the first laugh, the first hug, the first time we held hands, the first time my lips touched yours and yours touched mine. I still remember every moment we shared together. Oh but, it’s funny to think of how we stupid we used to be; all the times we fought and argued. We let silly things break us, ruin us. We let things get in between us and make us grow weak. But no matter what we would always go back to each other. It hurt too much to be apart. I don’t believe in a broken heart but each time you left me, I felt mine shatter a bit. I never told you this, and I don’t ever want to, but that time you left me for 4 months were the worst months ever in my life. You completely disappeared and erased yourself form my life. It was as if you never existed. All I had left were memories and the phone number in my phone that you changed. I died inside. My world came crashing down and I hated everything. I cried myself to sleep every night and I isolated myself from everyone, even my family. I wrote you letters and never sent them because I couldn’t find a way to put my pain into the correct words. I would sit around and anxiously await a phone call, a text, an email, a letter, an IM, anything ANYTHING to awake me from this dark hole I dug for myself. I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. I hated myself even more for feeling so pathetic, for letting myself fall for you. I promised myself to never love another and I tried so hard to let you go. To forget you. To move on. 

Things got easier.  After a while. Time heals all wounds but I couldn’t forget you. My heart would not let my mind forget you. You hurt me so badly. You killed me. You ruined me completely. I shattered all because of you… But even then, I could never forget how much I loved you. Those nights we spent together watching the stars, telling each other our secrets, planning our lives. Going to breakfast each morning and discussing the beauty in life. Driving around being reckless teenagers, breaking all the rules. I never thought I would fall for you. When we first met, I didn’t even like you that much. I thought you were cute and that’s it. I never even dreamt that you would become my entire life. And there you were gone.

I remember that day I went out to go get some air, I needed an escape from the skeletons in my closet and there you were, standing by your car, hands in your pocket and you head bowed down. Your eyes looked as you if haven’t slept in days and your face lost all of its color when you saw me step out of the door. In that moment, all the pain you put me through didn’t matter. You were here, in front of me. Actually there for me to touch, not a figure of my imagination. That’s all that mattered. You told me you missed me. You told me that you went through the same pain I did. It took you so long because you thought I didn’t need you anymore. I didn’t want you anymore. I forgot about you and you didn’t matter anymore. You came to tell me that you missed me and hoped that I was happy. I wasn’t. Until you showed up. 

Now we’re back together and that was the last time we ever broke up. That was 2 years ago. And two years later, we’re stronger than ever. You recently turned 20 and I turned 18. Things in our lives are quickly changing. You’re moving out, in the middle of your college career, starting new jobs, traveling. I’m finishing high school, preparing to move out, heading into college, growing up. And even then as our lives change and mature, you and I are holding on. I love you so much and we’re getting to the point where I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. I know it’s too soon to say, but I can picture myself marrying you. Not anytime soon. I want us to stay young for as long as we can. I want us to enjoy ourselves, our relationship for as long as we can. I want to travel with you, live with you, just have fun with you. Let’s not ruin our youth with marriage or kids just yet or in the next 5 years. But maybe 10 years from now I can still see us holding hands. I can see you as my husband, as the man I’ll share the rest of my life with and have kids with. 

4 years 4 months ago, I was enchanted to meet you and to this day I still feel the sparks when I’m with you. I can say in all honesty that I’m in love with you and I will always love you. Thank you for being my life and sharing yours with me. 

Yours Truly, 
Nicole.  

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